How To Play Blernsball
The rules and scorekeeping can be tough for anyone born in the 20th or 21st century – no worries though, we’ve got you covered.
Players hit a ball on an elastic tether that is pitched to the batter. Fielders try to prevent the ball from entering small holes in the field, which score blerns. The ball is attached to the field by an elastic tether, though powerful hits have been known to break it. A billboard with a small hole in the center just beyond the reach of the tether triggers an “automatic win,” called a “grand slam blern,” if the ball enters a the hole. Some home blerns have escaped from Earth’s atmosphere.
If enough balls go into a small hole in the center of the field, third ball lock, a pinball-style Multiball, is initiated. At this time dozens of balls are shot at high speeds into the field, (via hidden pitching machines that come out of the field) causing frenetic action including: A player on a motorcycle comes in to the field and tries to drift over all four bases while they explode and a giant tarantula enters from the bullpen with a relief pitcher on its back.
Basic rules such as the number of players on the field per team (nine), two teams, strike zone, and number of strikes and outs remains the same as its ancient predecessor (baseball).
More complicated adjustments to the game have been made. All players are required to inject steroids. Robots are not allowed on the field, and though it is not a rule, it is tradition that fans participate in the 7th inning grope.